In the midst of the swine flu mania that I’m sure everyone is blogging about, I can’t help but be reminded of Kula Shaker’s heroic* Mystical Machine Gun. Released at the height of pre-millenial hysteria, it was a rambling psychedlic epic about the eclipse (“watch the skies…”), which, if I remember correctly, Crispian Mills believed would bring about the return of King Arthur and a new, joyous age. Via a revolution for fun.

Either that, or he was taking the piss out of the assorted media panics of the age. The song is stuffed with screams, sirens and consumer items. But who, or what, is the wizard in a blizzard with a mystical machine gun?

Millenium Bug? Swine Flu? Armageddon Alert Sarge…

*For me, career suicide is ALWAYS heroic

Last night I had a dream…

I dreamt that I was hanging out at a bar after an Art Brut gig. Ian Watson was DJing: he was wearing a day-glo body warmer, and was playing early nineties gangsta rap, “because that’s what the kids want”.

Meanwhile, Eddie Argos was trying to convince me to go on tour with him. It was unclear whether he meant he just wanted me as a lounge suited drinking and carousing buddy, or whether he wished to incorporate me in the band, perhaps in some kind of Bez capacity.

In any case, I was cautious, if intrigued. I didn’t want to admit that I had a full time job – of this, I was certain, he would disapprove – and that a life on the road stuffed with debauchery might be tricky to fit in around my early shifts. So I tried to sound enthusiastic, without committing myself to some kind of legally binding rock and roll blood contract.

On Monday night I was supposed to go and see Casiotone For The Painfully Alone, but no-one would come with me. There’s probably an irony there.

This would be single of the week even if it wasn’t a free download from his website. Because it’s GRATE.

Hey, ho, Emo Boy, give us all a smile…

Past the canal, and the bin for knives, Edward Square in Islington was a beautiful place to be on Saturday. It was playing host to a day of music and speeches in commemoration of the Tolpuddle martyrs of some 175 years ago; it also formed an ideal counterbalance to the racist Boris Johnson themed racistathon St George’s Day celebration in Trafalgar Racism Square. Which probably wasn’t racist at all, but there were are.

As one speaker said: “who needs the St George’s flag when you have socialist banners?”

First up was Martin Carthy, who was fingerpicking good. When it comes to proper old-school folk, of songs remembered, forgotten, and remembered again, I’m no expert; but it felt that the songs he played were part of the fabric of the people, and I felt reassuringly becalmed.

Later, came Billy Bragg. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him play before, though I have been to a gig where he oversaw proceedings from a giant video screen. And I’ve probably played football against him for my Communist five-a-side team. In any case, he was magnificent, throwing in Woody Guthrie covers and a slightly embarrassing dance-routine for ‘One Love’ (Let’s drop the debt and it’ll be alright…)

His rambling introduction to England, Half English, in which he gave a potted history of St George, was erudite and entertaining. The song was even better:

“My breakfast was half English and so am I you know
I had a plate of Marmite soldiers washed down with a cappuccino
And I have a veggie curry about once a week
The next day I fry it up as bubble and squeak”

I don’t really need to add any more. It was perfect.

Just received this text from a friend: “I totally got checked out by bobby gillespie today in islington waitrose. One of my lifetime dreams has finally been realised!”

Has anyone else been lusted over by Britpop era stars? Brian Molko doesn’t count.

Now I don’t buy the weekly music press any more, because it doesn’t speak for me as it once did; and now I don’t go to gigs all the time; and now I don’t listen to the radio enough; and because the internet is too disparate (or because I haven’t got enough eyes); and because I’m generally not very together: album releases can pass me by. I’ve only just realised that the new Bill Callahan album has been out for some weeks already. It’s an album I’ve really been looking forward to, ever since I heard a song off it on the radio back in January.

The DJ assured me “this isn’t out for ages but I’m going to play it anyway”; I realise ‘ages’ is a vague measurement of time, but I felt pretty certain it meant longer than two months. So I’ve been excitedly anticipating something I could already have had. I suppose what I am trying to convey here is my general sensation that everything is speeding up, while I am slowing down.

Pondering this, I got a song stuck in my head from the last ‘proper’ smog album, A river ain’t too much to love. He has released another album since then, but it was ruined by the fact he was going out with Joanna Newsom at the time, and so he was happy. And, ruined as he was* by love and contentment, the songs were like Dracula at a funfair eating candyfloss and trying to win at hook a duck. They didn’t make sense.

So. While I’m waiting for the new album to arrive, I have this. It mainly reminds me of walking along the Thames in 2005. Like all the best songs, it made me terribly happy and terribly sad at the same time. I kept walking, and staring at the depths, and wishing that there was a career for me as a professional riverwalker. But never once did I go diving, diving, diving into the murk.

* She is a lady of many crimes, but this I feel to be her most unforgiveable

I had an idea for a song a couple of days ago, while I was in the shower. It arrived fully formed as soon as the water hit me: the chorus was a bit Magnetic Fields, and I started singing it to myself. I got out, went to work, stared at some screens, and lost it forever. I’m going to mourn it later on, with a full ceremony featuring candles and a minute’s silence.

I wrote a review of the new MJ Hibbett album, which appeared in last Saturday’s Morning Star. I didn’t have enough words to fully explain how brilliant it is – I didn’t have space to mention Emma Pattison’s brilliant backing vocals, how the drums (THE DRUMS!) sound fantastic, the cold war paranoia-nostalgia of RED BLACK GOLD, or the live-for-today Hibbett manifesto of We Can Start Having Fun. The best thing I can say, I suppose, is that I can’t stop listening to it; the songs are my friends now – they can be yours too. Isn’t that lovely? Pass the sick bucket, Harold.

ALSO I went to see Chris T-T last week. He played at a charity gig for Shelter. I was brave and went on my own, but hung out with Tor, who I’d met at the all-dayer in Brighton in January, and her friend. We discussed having a Chris T-T conference, in which matters of great import would be discussed, and also we’d have to all wear fake Chris T-T beards. I talked to Chris himself later on, and he claimed he’s going to do a tour in the autumn called the “Chris T-T Acid Tour” – he’s going to do a bunch of LSD before each gig, then “just see what happens”. He’s also perhaps arranging a riverwalk, which would be brilliant. I am all about the riverwalking.

His set was excellent, anyway, with a couple of lovely, fragile sounding new songs. One of them was a catchy number about self-denial, I seem to remember.

The final strange thing was this: most of the fans there were teenagers, who had got in to Chris’ music via his work and support tours with Frank Turner (who also covered his song, Huntsmen). A couple of them danced enthusiastically during one particular heart-wrenching ballad; at the end, I turned to one of my companions, and said:

“Don’t they realise that this song is about domestic abuse?”

Tomorrow night I’m seeing two excellent pop purveyors: Nat Johnson, formerly of Monkey Swallows The Universe, and Allo, Darlin’. Allo, Darlin’ is the musical project of someone I didn’t go out with. While pretty much every musical project in history has been the work of someone I didn’t go out with, this one is by someone I specifically didn’t go out with. If you see what I mean. Irritatingly, none of the songs seem to be about me. I would hope, as I’m sure we all do, to inspire at least one great pop song. Or possibly novel. Or opera.

Or even a limerick.

Hello peoples,

Recently I have been writing more draft articles than blog updates: these articles are for an imaginary fanzine for borderline imaginary club night. More news from nowhere when it comes.

Back in the you-have-to-write-this-many-words-by-this-date-or-we-ring-you-up-in-a-panic world, here’s my review of the new Art Brut album. It’s always very hard saying you don’t like something when it’s by a band you love. I listened to it for a week, hoping that it would unfold and reveal itself and that I could thus fly an enormous red flag for Art Brut, proclaiming them as the best band in the world. This I would very much like to, because they get so many things RIGHT. But the awful truth dawned: Art Brut vs. Satan is not very good.

Art Brut’s genius debut single, Formed a Band, announced they wanted to be the group “who writes the song that make Israel and Palestine get along”. No sign of it yet, and judging by this disappointing third album they may have to tone down their ambition somewhat. Singer and pop philosopher Eddie Argos possesses a Cockerian ability to dissect a relationship, but on Art Brut vs. Satan he is mainly distracted by relative fripperies: other bands trying to sound like U2, crap summer jobs, public transport, and how “the record buying public shouldn’t be voting”. Still – ‘Am I normal’ is a sweet tale of teenage stalkerism, and there are still more inspired throwaway lines than most bands will manage in a career. But Gaza may have to wait.

Back to the commuter world this week: the train, the robot shouting at you to look out for terrorists, the dead eyed expressions.

Things I had forgotten – first, that people are awake enough to have loud, personal mobile phone conversations at 7:30am. Second, that 90% of people on the train hide behind crap right-wing freepaper The Metro, and at least 4% of the rag-less remainder covet it with expressions of sheer naked desire. I know reading The Metro is the path of least resistance, but then so is shitting yourself. Resist, people – resist!

For the past hour I have been dimly aware of something going on in the back of my head – something causing me to bounce my head around like a crazy person. Or rather, like an ageing mosher at a gig – the type stood at the side of the stage with a pint in hand and knees aching, wishing he was young enough to still be bashing around in the bruising melee of the writhing pit.

And then I realised. My brain has had the genius intro to Another Girl, Another Planet on a loop.

You get under my skin / I don’t find it irritating…


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