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Hello internets! Here’s my review of last weekend’s Green Man festival. My first draft was twice as long and contained at least four times as many tenuous cricket metaphors, but I had to cut it down to 700 words and this is the result. I’m getting a bit better at editing down. When it comes to reviewing music stuff, 90% is spent on the opening paragraph – specifically, avoiding writing the opening paragraph. Once the page is no longer empty, the rest comes fairly easily.

This review appears in today’s Morning Star newspaper, the world’s best (and, in terms of English language, only) socialist daily. It’s on the website here.

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Green Man Festival
Brecon Beacons, Wales

This year’s Green Man festival fell on the weekend of the Ashes decider; I gave up my cricket tickets to go to a valley in the Brecon Beacons and watch some bands. England were bound to lose, so I fled to Wales to watch some folk.

Green Man has expanded its capacity again, to 15,000 this year from 10,000 two years ago. But they’ve added a new area, and added lots more food outlets and space, so it doesn’t feel noticeably busier, and is still located in a beautiful spot, with hills looming all around. Best of all, they’ve moved the pub stage from a busy courtyard thoroughfare to a walled garden, where I started my festival experience by enjoying Pagan Wanderer Lu’s brand of charity shop synths and charming whimsy. Later, I visited the literature tent, because I needed a bit of a sit down, and was rewarded by Keith Allen performing his spoken word reggae opera about police corruption, Tesco and Alastair Campbell. Lily, eat your heart out.

Sibrydion are the first of many Welsh bands I see over the weekend, and sound a bit like Coral before they got too stoned. Britpop. After Mary Hampton’s perfect trad folk, and Emmy The Great’s fragile confessional pop, we head over to see trendy headliners Animal Collective, who, I am told, are psychedelic pop folk you can dance to. Instead, they sound like Moby, with sub-Sting vocals yelped over the top. It’s dreary stuff, and I put Animal Collective on the list of credible bands I just don’t understand, alongside Arcade Fire, Vampire Weekend and Toploader.

Later, a drunk man in the thali tent will bemoan, “No Greek sailors died on this table tonight.” Food for thought.

On Saturday, it struck me the festival’s demographic had changed, and now had too many posh trust-fund kids and not enough old men dressed as wizards. The line-up had much to do with this: while Green Man has always had an elastic remit, having the never-knowingly-underfolked Jarvis Cocker headline felt a step too far; particularly as the skinny-arsed popster hasn’t written a decent song in a decade.

Elsewhere, though, are still treasures. The afternoon sees the lush and unashamedly pop ukulele-folk of The Leisure Society, and Stornoway, who are ones for the future, even if they’ve never been to Stornoway.

Euros Childs & Teenage Fanclub’s Norman Blake combine for Jonny, but the best songs are unmistakably Euros’: no-one else would write a song about a boy who spends his mornings flying on a crow belonging to his sweetheart, and play it on keyboards cheaper than the batteries that power them.

Later are the American invaders. Brooklyn’s Beach House are dreamy and doomed, and would be the perfect soundtrack to a suicide cult’s initiation ceremony of dropping acid in an abandoned fish warehouse. Grizzy Bear have a good line in haunting balladeering, while Andrew Bird is spectacular virtuoso musicality defined, throwing in whistling solos like the world’s most talented milkman.

Sunday is where the true soul of the festival is located. Folk mafia the Fence Collective are Green Man perennials, and James Yorkston, King Creosote and friends swap instruments, mesh songs together, and are effortlessly charming. They’d be able to spin a melodic yarn even if they were plunging down a hill in a tin bath.

As the afternoon unfolded, men everywhere clutched transistor radios to their ears, as the cricket hurtled towards a conclusion. The final wicket fell, inappropriately enough, just as Scottish misery merchants Camera Obscura took to the stage, their glorious heartbreak-pop stormers mainly overlooked by an audience wondering why they had a collective face like a slapped arse.

So, England had won, but what of the festival? Organisers Jo & Danny, like the MCC for cricket, are the guardians of the laws and spirit of Green Man. They have something wonderful, and need to ensure it maintains its uniqueness and eccentric charm in the face of commercial pressures. Sunday headliners Wilco are the cricket of bands – multi-layered, intricate and probably go on a bit too long. I look forward to next year – but Green Man, please resist those technical innovations. Some things are already perfect.

Hello! I promise to start updating this blog again. I think I still have important things to offer the internet.

Until then, here’s my article about Derbyshire’s Indietracks festival. It appeared on the guardian’s travel site last week, and was the SEVENTH MOST VIEWED piece on travel last week. SEVENTH.

Here it is.

On Sunday night I stepped into my TARDIS to see The Bluetones and Dodgy play a charity gig at the sticky-floored London Scala.

It was proper time travel odd to see The Bluetones again. I used to be quite obsessed with them: I (very briefly) appeared in one of their videos, and many years ago wrote a choose-your-own-adventure style website based on how I imagined day-to-day life to be for my favourite mid-tier indie band.

Depending on which link you pressed, they got up to all sorts of exciting things. I can’t really remember much of it, except one storyline ended with them being put on trial for racism at Nuremburg. All depending on which link you pressed.They all lived in a blue house, and slept in the same room, in blue hammocks. Mark was the cheeky one, Scott the tough bruiser. Adam Devlin had severe psychological problems. Unfortunately I never finished it; it’s my Last Tycoon.

With all this in mind, it was quite a shock to discover Mark Morriss admitting, live on stage, that they used to share a house with Dodgy back in the 90s glory days. Maybe everything I imagined was true.

The second surprise was how young they were looking. It was almost as though they’d entered a faustian pact, to never sell very many records and to never grow old. Else, they’ve paid Dodgy to do all their ageing for them. While locked in their (blue) attic.

The third one was how brilliant they were. There were classics aplenty: Solomon Bites The Worm, Marblehead Johnson, Slight Return, and a mighty Bluetonic. They were on wonderful form, with Mark singing beautifully as well as excelling in borderline offensive betwixt-song banter. It was always Mark’s yearning voice that separated them for the cloggers of the age – they flew, while the others plodded.

The audience were fantastic, with the imaginative terrace chants of “Bluuuueeee-tones!” and “*Blue Army!” still intact after all these years. They greeted the new songs with frantic glee.

And by new songs I mean anything The Bluetones have released since the 20th century. The deftly appropriate** Keep The Home Fires Burning, Surrender and, particularly, motown stomper Never Going Nowhere got a lovely reaction, given that the vast majority of the audience clearly hadn’t heard a Bluetones song since 1999; by the inevitably set-closer If… I was jumping up and down like a man who doesn’t worry about his knees.

Dodgy, now looking approximately 400 years old (see above), had a hard act to follow. And they followed it by playing two of their three hits (In A Room and Staying Out For The Summer) in the first ten minutes of their set. Mistake, I thought. We left straight after.

On the way out, we saw two female Bluetones fans chanting “Bluuuu-tones!” at Bluetones bassist Scott Morriss, stood ten feet away at the bar.

Wouldn’t it have been easier to just talk to him?

*Remember The Chart Show, and the speech bubbles that came up to tell you exciting facts about the bands? One of them once simply read: “Bluetones fans sometimes attend gigs dressed entirely in blue”.
** The gig was in aid of homeless charity Shelter

I’m now back from America, where I avoided tornadoes and told people I was from Norway.

I also had the pleasure of seeing the last ever performance of a local Bloomington band – the heroically named Naughty Monarch. Naughty Monarch are one of the many vehicles used by local indie fulcrum Dan, who has a big beard, a lovely voice, and bags of sincerity and charm. They played their farewell set in his front room, to a group of people who magically appeared moments before they were due to play, and evaporated away as soon as the last song finished. These American students are busy people.

I managed to behave myself for the most part, except when Dan announced that the next song was about being dumped by the person he lost his virginity to, and finding out about it on facebook. And I was all “you’re young enough to have lost your virginity post-facebook?” With this, I outed myself as old. My days as a player on the trendy Bloomington scene were over.

Also, in the tipsy post-gig guitar strumming melee they did a cover of a radiohead song, which I sung along to, making up my own lyrics on the spot about middle class guilt; this, I’m sure, went down really well. They all loved Radiohead and Oasis. Radiohead and Oasis seemed to be their twin titans. It was like being in 1997. I’m not complaining.

On Monday night I was supposed to go and see Casiotone For The Painfully Alone, but no-one would come with me. There’s probably an irony there.

Past the canal, and the bin for knives, Edward Square in Islington was a beautiful place to be on Saturday. It was playing host to a day of music and speeches in commemoration of the Tolpuddle martyrs of some 175 years ago; it also formed an ideal counterbalance to the racist Boris Johnson themed racistathon St George’s Day celebration in Trafalgar Racism Square. Which probably wasn’t racist at all, but there were are.

As one speaker said: “who needs the St George’s flag when you have socialist banners?”

First up was Martin Carthy, who was fingerpicking good. When it comes to proper old-school folk, of songs remembered, forgotten, and remembered again, I’m no expert; but it felt that the songs he played were part of the fabric of the people, and I felt reassuringly becalmed.

Later, came Billy Bragg. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him play before, though I have been to a gig where he oversaw proceedings from a giant video screen. And I’ve probably played football against him for my Communist five-a-side team. In any case, he was magnificent, throwing in Woody Guthrie covers and a slightly embarrassing dance-routine for ‘One Love’ (Let’s drop the debt and it’ll be alright…)

His rambling introduction to England, Half English, in which he gave a potted history of St George, was erudite and entertaining. The song was even better:

“My breakfast was half English and so am I you know
I had a plate of Marmite soldiers washed down with a cappuccino
And I have a veggie curry about once a week
The next day I fry it up as bubble and squeak”

I don’t really need to add any more. It was perfect.

I had an idea for a song a couple of days ago, while I was in the shower. It arrived fully formed as soon as the water hit me: the chorus was a bit Magnetic Fields, and I started singing it to myself. I got out, went to work, stared at some screens, and lost it forever. I’m going to mourn it later on, with a full ceremony featuring candles and a minute’s silence.

I wrote a review of the new MJ Hibbett album, which appeared in last Saturday’s Morning Star. I didn’t have enough words to fully explain how brilliant it is – I didn’t have space to mention Emma Pattison’s brilliant backing vocals, how the drums (THE DRUMS!) sound fantastic, the cold war paranoia-nostalgia of RED BLACK GOLD, or the live-for-today Hibbett manifesto of We Can Start Having Fun. The best thing I can say, I suppose, is that I can’t stop listening to it; the songs are my friends now – they can be yours too. Isn’t that lovely? Pass the sick bucket, Harold.

ALSO I went to see Chris T-T last week. He played at a charity gig for Shelter. I was brave and went on my own, but hung out with Tor, who I’d met at the all-dayer in Brighton in January, and her friend. We discussed having a Chris T-T conference, in which matters of great import would be discussed, and also we’d have to all wear fake Chris T-T beards. I talked to Chris himself later on, and he claimed he’s going to do a tour in the autumn called the “Chris T-T Acid Tour” – he’s going to do a bunch of LSD before each gig, then “just see what happens”. He’s also perhaps arranging a riverwalk, which would be brilliant. I am all about the riverwalking.

His set was excellent, anyway, with a couple of lovely, fragile sounding new songs. One of them was a catchy number about self-denial, I seem to remember.

The final strange thing was this: most of the fans there were teenagers, who had got in to Chris’ music via his work and support tours with Frank Turner (who also covered his song, Huntsmen). A couple of them danced enthusiastically during one particular heart-wrenching ballad; at the end, I turned to one of my companions, and said:

“Don’t they realise that this song is about domestic abuse?”

Tomorrow night I’m seeing two excellent pop purveyors: Nat Johnson, formerly of Monkey Swallows The Universe, and Allo, Darlin’. Allo, Darlin’ is the musical project of someone I didn’t go out with. While pretty much every musical project in history has been the work of someone I didn’t go out with, this one is by someone I specifically didn’t go out with. If you see what I mean. Irritatingly, none of the songs seem to be about me. I would hope, as I’m sure we all do, to inspire at least one great pop song. Or possibly novel. Or opera.

Or even a limerick.

Until tonight, I’d failed to see Emmy The Great three times. Twice I even had tickets. No-one wanted to come.

Tonight, I failed to see her for a fourth time. Well, I saw her. I just didn’t see her peform.

She was playing an in-store at Rough Trade, which is only a fifteen minute walk from my house – perfect. She sent out a lovely email, informing us believers that she was playing an in-store that started at 6:30. So I left my house at 6, and wandered down Whitechapel high street, past the asexually multiplying pirate DVD sellers, the chicken emporiums, and a man with “soldier of allah” written across the back of a grey tracksuit.

Through bangla town and I was there: Rough Trade East, with lots of people who looked a bit like me, only ten years younger and wearing indoor hats.

I wandered back and forth for a bit, looking confused, while a band who I assumed was hers sound-checked. But then I got suspicious, as they sounded a bit too interpol for the folk-pop stylings I was expecting.

I found a poster and my heart sank: three bands on, with Emmy The Great on last. This isn’t what I had promised myself. This wasn’t what I wanted. I was tired and hungry – this was supposed to be a smash and grab in-store session, then home in time for tea.

I drifted, at a loss. I spotted the woman herself: conspiring with her second love* between the shelves.

I stayed for the first band, ex-lovers. They had good hair, and were very tight; but the tunes weren’t there. The female vocalist’s xylaphone sat uselessly at her waist. Why tease me with the xylaphone, female vocalist? Why lead me on to expect tinkles?

The band finished, and it was already 7pm. Rumble went my belly. There was always the option of grabbing a bagel from brick lane, laden with salt beef and mustard, then coming back, but I wasn’t of the psychological conditioning to spend the whole evening hanging out on my own**. I already felt a bit shifty.

Thus I came home, and ate food. Yum.

So: Emmy might have been great, she might have been rubbish. I’ll never know. But I have been listening to her album so let me say a few things about that instead.

It’s alright. it’s a bit frustrating because it could, and should, have been so much better. A similar thing happened to me with The Pipettes and The Long Blondes – I loved and obsessively bought all their early singles, and by the time the album proper came along I was either fed up with the songs or frustrated at the over-tinkered production. You can’t help it, I suppose first album syndrome means this is a set of songs you’ve built up and cherished your whole life – and you know you only have one go at putting these songs on your debut album, where they’ll live and die forever. You have to get it right.

But like The Pipettes and It’s Not Love, and The Long Blondes with Giddy Stratospheres, Emmy The Great: why did you re-record Easter Parade? It was already perfect. You’ve pared it down instrumentally but beefed it up production-wise, and the effect has been like a jester trying to fix a watch.The impossible equation of beauty the song had has been lost, and t’is a crying shame.

* Her album is called first love, and it charts her first serious relationship. See what I did there? But I’m being presumptuous really – she could have got back with the same bloke. I have no idea. It’s really none of my business. I should stop rummaging in her bins

** I’ve moaned about this sort of thing before. See here.

I went to the lovely Luminaire on Wednesday, to see the reformed (in togetherness if not in character) Black Box Recorder. Luminaire is probably the best venue in London, particularly if you want to actually hear a band play their songs: there are signs up everywhere, demanding SILENCE, and a Guantanamo-style correction facility out back for those who block the view by holding up their cameraphones all sodding gig*.

After the fairly diverting smoky folk of Madam, on came BBR, like phoenixes from the flames.

Our heroes looked great – Sarah still looking like the sexy mothering demon of heaven, Luke dressed as a Victorian Funeral Director Southern Gentleman, and John still couched in refined embarrassment. The two men wore Lord Lucan badges on their string ties; Sarah was in a red cocktail dress.

They kicked straight off with Girl Singing In The Wreckage, appropriately: Black Box Recorder are a sexy car crash. They dare you to look away, but they know you can’t.

After the hypnotic reminder that “the English motorway system is beautiful and strange” came “THE HIT“, Facts Of Life. I’d love to see Billy Piper singing Facts Of Life, just as I’d like Black Box Recorder to do Honey To The Bee. In fact, Ms Piper should join Black Box Recorder on bass.

Towards the end of the set came two new songs. “If this doesn’t get us a Christmas number one, we’ll know the answer” said John, before they launched into “Do You Believe in God?”, which floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee. It was also, like many Black Box Recorder songs, far more serious than one first realises, in a “ha ha ha ha ha oh crap this raises some important points” kind of way. Damned pop that makes you think. Can’t I just dance instead? No, you can’t.

Second new song, “Keep It In The Family”, was probably about… well, you can guess.

The set ended with my choice for our post-monarchy national anthem, England Made Me; the encore saw Child Psychology (with its immortal chorus “Life is unfair: Kill yourself or get over it”), The Art Of Driving, and Lord Lucan.

Thoughts: first, Sarah Nixey is the perfect vessel for Haines’ songs. Her delivery, intonation, and otherworldly matronness all fit the material (death, despair, mortgages, ennui, sceptic nostalgia etc) like a silk glove. She gives it authority, class, and sex. Second, I have no idea why Black Box Recorder have reformed, and have no expectations of them doing anything so vulgar as selling lots of records. But I’m delighted they have: they deserve mugs, scarves, tea towels, and a residency on Top Of The Pops**.

* The bit about signs is true, the rest is in my dream
** BRING BACK TOP OF THE POPS

Last night I headed up to Islington on the 205 bus to see The Applicants, with a chum of mine, who for the sake of argument we shall call Denny.

Denny had to nip home for half an hour because he’d left the oven on / hadn’t fed the cat / had to communicate with his spymasters back in Moscow, so I braved the support band, 4 or 5 magicians, from the comfort of the seats at the back, with a glass of wine and Mario on the DS. You’re never alone with a DS.

Glancing up from Mario’s mushroom and flower-eating antics, I could see 1 or 2 of the 4 or 5 of them.

They weren’t bad. Power pop with some clever (but not that clever) lyrics, they still have a bit of work to do. You get the impression they REALLY want to sound like Pavement, while in reality they sound like Shed Seven. But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, lads. You are equally cursed and blessed. Keep on chasing rainbows.

Denny returned, presumably having successfully poisoned someone with kryptonite, and The Applicants came on stage. And oooh, weren’t they lovely. I decided, from a brief myspace listen beforehand, that they were “casio hardcore”, even though I didn’t really know what that meant. Like all musical genres made up on the spot, it just sounded good.

They were really casio hardcore. I was expecting them to be louder, but there was a definite pop edge – think bis / le tigre / punk / malfunctioning commodore 64 / falling over. Singer Jeffrey – a girl – is a brilliantly engaging frontwoman, all bouncing, shouting, ranting, and picking cheerful fights with the audience. The fourth wall was frequently broken – if you can imagine the front of the stage being covered by a large piece of paper, they repeatedly burst through it, dancing, playing guitar, falling over.

I think she only fell over once, so I might be over-egging that particular pudding. I just get the impression falling over is generally an important part of The Applicants experience.

I’ll definitely go and see them again.

The applicants fall over

The applicants fall over

Thanks to TheMongKey for the pic.

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